Table of Contents

A Different Perspective


2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11  
Developing the Characters
Early Comic Drafts
Roommate Wanted May
Rocket's Red Flare May
Dolari.Net History

This is a second draft of the original 1996 rough draft. Most of the changes invovled more description per panel, as Dove, who was slated to draw the series, needed more decription and feeling to draw the characters. A few reaction scenes were added to pad the story out, as well. Many of the Patriot Woman's lines were redone to reinforce the fact that she was alone in this, and not part of a larger organization. She was also made a bit more vicious, and a bit more human. The first draft lacked a good ending, and one was tacked on here, as well as an extention to the scene with Carrie in the bathroom. Changes from the previous draft are in bolded italics.

Closet Space #2, Draft #2 - "Rocket's Red Flare" (c)1993, 1996 Jennifer Dolari. Original Story by Jennifer Dolari. To be adapted by Dov Sherman with Jennifer Dolari. Artwork by Dov Sherman.
PANEL 1 - CARRIE is waking up in bed, stretching and yawning. She has noticeable beard stubble. A clock on the nightstand reads 9:00AM and a tune is coming out of the radio. There are still unpacked boxes and bags about the room. PANEL 2 - ALLISON is walking down the hallway past Carrie's door with a basket of laundry. PANEL 3 - Just as Allison passes the door, Carrie opens it. Carrie is still extremely groggy. PANEL 4 - Allison talks to Carrie without actually turning towards her, Carrie is opening the bathroom door, directly across from her bedroom. ALLISON Morning, Carrie! Got any dirty clothes? CARRIE Grnslpht... PANEL 5 - Allison turns around just as Carrie slams the bathroom door. ALLISON I'll take that as a yes. PANEL 6 - Carrie is at the bathroom sink, groggy, turning spigots as the sink fills with water. ALLISON (off screen) If you make lunch, I'll do your laundry. Deal? CARRIE Blsnpht... PANEL 7 - Close up of Carrie's cheek with hand running down it. A terrible "SHRIP" is audible as the hand mns across the beard stubble. ALLISON (off screen) Great! Make something can cook can't you? PANEL 8 - Carrie looks into the mirror, realizing that she's been walking around with beard stubble. CARRIE (whispering) Oh, shit.... PANEL 9 - Carrie's POV as she looks down into the sink, there's soap and water, but no razor blade. CARRlE (whispering) and no razor, either... PANEL 10 - Camera is on Carrie's eye as it peeks through the open crack of the door. PANEL 11 - Allison is gathering some clothes fmm Carrie's floor. ALLISON You'd think at least she'd pick up some of her clothes...yeesh... PANEL 12 - Same as PANEL 10 CARRIE Allison? Can you hand me my razor, please? PANEL 12A - Allison looks over to the cracked open bathroom door. CARRIE It should be in on the boxes marked bathroom! ALLISON I wouldn't want to go through anything private. Why don't you come and get it? PANEL 12B - Carrie stands back from the door in shock and horror. CARRIE can't...I...uh...look horrible! PANEL 12C - Allison digs through one of the boxes. ALLISON Oh, alright. I think I've got the right box anyways. PANEL 13 - Allison pulls the razor out of the box and makes a face, as Carrie watches from the crack of the bathroom door. ALLISON No problem! I know that horrible feeling of stubbly legs. Yuck... PANEL 14 - Allison gives the razor to Carrie's outstretched hand, sticking out the bathroom door. CARRIE (through door) Yeah.. stubbly... (beat) Thanks. PANEL 15 - Allison goes back to picking up Carrie's clothes. Through the window you can see a shadow sitting in the tree ALLISON I probably should take better care of my legs, too... PANEL 16 - Allison from above, through binocular lenses ALLISON (through "electronic" box) ...never know when you might get a new love interest, a date, or a hot day. PATRIOT WOMAN (Off screen) The traitor's insight... PANEL 17 - The PATRIOT WOMAN in full camouflage perched up in a tree with binoculars. PATRIOT WOMAN She'll pay for selling the American people out... PANEL 18 - Patriot Woman takes off her binoculars and looks straight ahead, in thought. PATRIOT WQMAN ...and doing a great injustice to the American people. PANEL 19 - She looks up into the sky seeing a black helicopter. PATRIOT WOMAN Great, the One Worid Order Helicopters are onto me! PANEL 19A - The Patriot Woman jumps oft the branch with a rustle. PANEL 19B - Allison looks through the window with a start at the rustling sound. PANEL 19C - Allison goes back to picking up clothes. ALLISON Hmph...Must've been a bird.... PANEL 19D - Patriot Woman runs across the roofs of houses, looking back at the helicopter. PATRIOT WOMAN (shouting) You are with the United Nations! Leave Now! You have no authority here! PANEL 20 - From the interior of the helicopter, a radio DJ is giving a traffic report. DJ This is KZXY Eye in the Sky reporting a traffic jam at the 411 cut off at 282. It's backed up to the Municipal Dam, watch out if you're headed in that area. PANEL 21 - The DJ looks down through another window towards a heavily armed figure running from rooftop to rooftop. PATRIOT WOMAN (Small letters to denote FAR OFF) No Jurisdiction! DJ And if you're in the King Buckley's district, be on the lookout for a running woman trouncing around the rooftops of your homes...up next on KZXY, "Cooking with Charlie and Nash!" PANEL 22 - The DJ tums to the pilot, both with a laugh, and shields his microphone. DJ (laughing) That's the third time this week! PANEL 23 - Letters smack on a coffee table.. among them are a bill from the IRS, several notes from her bank that look like NSF notices, credit card cancellation notices and the like. PANEL 24 - The Patriot Woman sits on a sofa in front of her coffee table, frustrated and at her wits end. The room is decorated in American Flags, copies of the Constitution, guns on the wall along with all sorts of war memorabilia. There is a picture of Jimmy Carter on the wall with several darts punctured in it, none in the center. PATRIOT WOMAN Bills, BILLS, BILLS! PANEL 25 - She picks up one of the bills and reads. PATRIOT WOMAN (reading) "According to our records, you owe $1,256.13 on your income tax." (beat) You are an illegal organization, created above the law of the Constitution. PANEL 25A - The Patriot Woman carelessly throws the bill over her shoulder. PATRIOT WOMAN No money for you. PANEL 26 - She picks up another, smaller bill. PATRIOT WOMAN (reads) "Your account is overdrawn by $125.98. Please make a deposit as soon as possible." PANEL 26A - She puts down the bill and talks to herself. PATRIOT WOMAN I need to hurry up and collect those liens I put against Mr. Kavinsky before they close my account. PANEL 26B - The Patriot Woman picks up a picture of a man dressed in Army fatigues. She's very enamored of him PATRIOT WOMAN Phil, if there ever was a time I needed you... PANEL 26C - She takes the pictures, stands up and talks to it. PATRIOT WOMAN So much has gone from bad to worse. PANEL 26D - She walks over to her a map, marked with arrows and the like denoting what look like troop movements. PATRIOT WOMAN And all I wanted to do was make sure you had a fitting eulogy... (beat) But that'll all have to wait. PANEL 27 - Allison looks into an empty kitchen. PATRIOT WOMAN (in an isolated box) I've got a traitor to exterminate. ALLISON No, lunch eh? PANEL 28 - Carrie is getting dressed with Becky sitting across from her. Becky is very worried, Carrie is concentrating on rolling up some thigh high nylons. In the corner, near her bed is an umbrella holder, with an umbrella whose handle is in the shape of a question mark. BECKY ...and Dad hasn't said a word about you since you left. Mom's feeling horrible too...she misses you terribly. PANEL 28A - Close up of Carrie, still rolling her nylons. CARRIE Well, I've tried to call since yesterday...Dad picks up the phone and as soon as hears my voice, he hangs up. PANEL 29 - Carrie is looking down at her foot a she puts on some knee highs. Allison has appeared in the doorway. ALLISON You two headed out? CARRIE Yeah, we're both headed to a movie before my vacation ends. Only a few days left before I go back to work. PANEL 30 - The whole scene reverses, so that we can see the far wall. There is a rather large oak dresser below the window. ALLISON So, what happened to lunch? CARRIE Lunch? ALLISON In exchange for me doing your laundry! CARRIE Ohhhhh... PANEL 31 - Same as 30, but Allison's is a bit.. miffed... you can see the top of someone's head staring though the window. CARRIE I wondered who got my clothes.. .did you ask me about lunch this morning? ALLISON Yes, right after you woke up. PANEL 32 - Same as 30, but there is no head in the window. CARRlE Ah, well...I'm hard to wake up in the morning. If you say anything to me, I usually respond with a muffled grunt. PANEL 33A - Same as 32, but now you can see a hand tossing something toward the window. CARRIE I'll make ya a deal. I'll fix you the best hamburgers this side of the Mississippi. Whadaya say? PANEL 33 - Same as 30, but the window has broken and a rock with a note is flying through. Everyone is trying to shield themselves from flying glass. PANEL 34 - Becky reaches for the rock as Carrie and Allison go towards the window. PANEL 35 - Becky reads the note as Carrie and Allison look through the window. BECKY Guys, the note says "duck." PANEL 36 - Carrie and Allison look at Becky quizically. CARRIE & ALLISON Duck? PANEL 37 - Carrie and Allison look at each other horrified. CARRIE & ALLISON DUCK!!!! PANEL 38 - Carrie, Allison and Becky dive for cover as the back wall explodes open. PANEL 39 - From the next door neightbors house, TWO EXTREMELY OLD PEOPLE are sitting across each other eating lunch. They look at each other. Through the window a huge hole has been opened in the house next door, which we can see Carrie, Allison and Becky lying in rubble deep in the back of the room. The Patriot Woman is clung against the wall, trying not to be seen. Guns bristle from all over her. OLD WOMAN Did you hear something go boom, Chauncy? CHAUNCY Damn kids and their music. OLD WOMAN Call the cops.... PANEL 40 - Dust is settling from the hole as the Patriot Woman enters, guns drawn, Terminator style through the dust. PATRIOT WOMAN BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME BY THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA I CONDEMN YOU ALL TO DEATH! PANEL 41 - The huge oak dresser has been pushed by the blast three quarters of the way across the room, behind which is Becky, Carrie and Allison. The Patriot Woman has her guns drawn, and the three girls are gently peeking over the dresser. CARRIE Who's that? ALLISON Looks like someone I interviewed for a roomate...just before I picked you. PANEL 42 - Carrie looks over to Allison. CARRIE Should I have feared for my life if you had decided NOT to take me in? PANEL 43 - Pull back to reveal Becky frantically punching buttons on the phone. ALLISON After I said no, she just up and left...I didn't do anything to piss her off! (beat) I think.... PANEL 44 - Becky is talking into the phone. PHONE OPERATOR (electronic box) Thank you for calling the Metropolitan 911 Emergency phone system. BECKY Yes, we need assitance at 1395 Mulberry Street immediately. Send a SWAT team! SEND ANYONE! PANEL 45 - Becky looks into the phone quizzically PHONE (electronic box) If you'd like instructions in English, press "1." Necesites ayuda en Espanol, toce "2." If you'd like to press "3," press "5." To repeat this menu, press "#" followed by a "1," "2," and "7" PANEL 46 - Becky and Allison are talking, while Carrie is looking at the ground for a weapon. ALLISON Didja get through? BECKY I think it's going to be a Iong time before we get ANYTHING. PANEL 47 - From behind Becky and Allison looking up at the Patriot Woman, the Patriot Woman is shoving an M-16 down, pointed directly at Allison. PANEL 48 - Allison, staring directly up at the Patriot Woman. With Carrie and Becky off to the sides, in fear. Allison has a pissed off look on her face. ALLISON Scatter. PANEL 49 - Carrie and Becky have puzzled looks on their faces. CARRIE & BECKY Huh? PANEL 50 - Same as 48 ALLISON MOVE! PANEL 51 - Becky flies up, still holding the phone PANEL 51A - Carrie dives under her bed. PANEL 52 - The Patriot woman shifts her view to Becky, who is in the middle of a one handed somersault (the other hand has the phone, and she's got the reciever wedged between her shoulder and ear). PANEL 53 - Becky does a cartwheel, there are bullets appearing behind her. PANEL 54 - Becky does a forward flip. The phone cord gets tighter. PANEL 55 - Becky does a roll. The cord is even tighter. PANEL 56 - Becky attempts a somersault, but her hand gets pulled from her as the phone cord draws taut. PANEL 57 - Becky stumbles to the floor, in the Patriot Woman's sight. PANEL 58 - She pulls the trigger PANEL 59 - The phone gets riddled with bullets PANEL 60 - Allison uncharactersticly gets aggressive, venting her rage directly to the Patriot Woman ALLISON STOP IT! PANEL 61 - Allison goes around the dresser, as Becky is in the background, frantically pushing buttons on the phone while trying to crawl under Carrie's bed as Carrie motions to her. ALLISON I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE AGAINST ME.... PANEL 62 - Allison walks right up to the PAtriot Woman ALLISON BUT YOU HAVE IT AGAINST ME! PANEL 63 - She gets in the PAtriot Woman's face. ALLISON NOT MY FRIENDS! PANEL 64 - She grabs the Patriots Woman lapels ALLISON NOT MY HOUSE! PANEL 65 - Allison pulls the Patriot Woman's face closer ALLISON BUT ME! PANEL 65 - The same, except that the PAtriot Woman's M-16 is pulled into shot PATRIOT WOMAN You forget who's the one with the ammo. PANEL 66 - Same ALLISON Well, at least before you kill me, you can tell me why. PANEL 67 - The Patriot Woman shoves Allison onto Carrie's bed, forcing strained looks from Becy and Carrie underneath. PATRIOT WOMAN Why? You never told me why you sould out the American public! PANEL 68 - Underneath the bed, Carrie is reaching for the umbrella stand. ALLISON (off screen) What? PANEL 68A - From Allison's POV PATRIOT WOMAN Because you didn't pick me as your roommate. And by turning me away, you turn away America. PANEL 68B - Down the long barrell to Allison. PATRIOT WOMAN You're a subversive, like all those people on Capitol Hill. PANEL 69 - Now from over the Patriot's shoulder down to Allison's position. Allison is amused, but still somewhat concerned. PATRlOT WOMAN You didn't pick me, because you're against me. You're against America as a great nation. PANEL 69A - The Patriot Woman holds her hand over her heart and imagines the greatness of the US of A. PATRIOT WOMAN You're an agent of the One Worid Order. You will not have our sovreignity as long as I live. PANEL 70 - From the barrel up to the PAtriot Woman who cocks her M-16 at Allison PATRIOT WOMAN Because of your kind, my husband is dead, my job is lost, and I'm poor beyond reason. PANEL 71 - Allison notices the umbrella from ther umbrella stand is missing and it's handle is sticking out from under the bed, where Carrie's hand is holding it. PATRIOT WOMAN Now, rebel scum, prepare to die. PANEL 72 - Allison looks up at the Patriot Woman, and desperately tries to buy time. ALLISON WAIT! Please...before I me how your heroic husband met his death. PANEL 73 - The Patriot Woman looks away from her site, looking confused. PANEL 74 - Same as 72 ALLISON What was he like? PANEL 75 - The PAtriot Woman looks "past" Allison, an image of her husband and herself walking down a ghettoed neighborhood. PATRlOT WOMAN Phil? He was a lovely man...always giving, never taking. He was an Army man, stationed in a town where the base wasn't in such a nice spot. PANEL 76 - Profile of the Patriot Woman with the gates of Merkling Air Force Base in the background. PATRIOT WOMAN The base was in a horrible spot in town, we simply hated the surroundings.. .the people hated each other...everything was wrong. But he was so nice to them.. .to me... ALLISON He sounds like my brother. PANEL 77 - We face the Patriot Woman, where there are several gans teens behind her shooting unmercifully past her. PATRIOT WOMAN Then one day, as we were walking back to base, we were held up...he GAVE his money and shot him anyway. PANEL 78 - The Patriot Woman prays beside the tombstone of her husband. Allison is plainly shocked at the story, and feeling pity for the woman. PATRIOT WOMAN If those damned Senators hadn't put the base there, he'd be alive right now...but they knew he'd be killed. It was part of their plan for the One World Order. PANEL 78A - The Patriot Woman squats down, back against the wall the background is apicture of her and her husband holding each other. PATRIOT WOMAN He put me on the same level as his country... and sometimes higher.... PANEL 79 - Allison has become part of the picture, she's listening intently to the story. In the Background is a corporate building with a front door. PATRIOT WOMAN And then, to make matters worse, the Japanese bought our company. Those damn bastards fired nearly all of us and kept only a skeleton crew there. PANEL 80 - Allison is now in a reasurring position, where she is holding the Patriot Woman's shoulders. Tha background shows her at the front door, facing out, loaded down with boxes. PATRIOT WOMAN The traitors in Congress passed all their little resolutions against me. Against the common people. aganist America. It's their fault I'm where I am now. PANEL 81 - Allison is still in the reassuring position and sitting on the bed with the Patriot Woman who is now crying. PATRlOT WOMAN It's all their's all their fault.... PANEL 82 - Carrie turns to Becky under the bed CARRIE What a load of crap. PANEL 83 - Allison Stands with the uncontrollably sobbing Patriot Woman ALLISON Come on, we'll go get you some help. I'll get you anything you need. Anything that'll help... PANEL 84 - Carrie attempts to trip the Patriot Woman with the umbrella. PANEL 85 - Allison steps on the umbrella handle. ALLISON Carrie, no! PANEL 86 - Allison looks at the PAtriot Woman who is sobbing. ALLISON She's had enough troubles in her life for now...we don't need to make it worse. PANEL 86A - Carrie gets mad from under the bed. CARRIE But she tried to kill us! You want her to try again?! PANEL 86B - Allison looks lovingly down on the Patriot Woman, sobbing very heavily. ALLISON She won't. I knoww she won't. PANEL 87 - Close up of the front door as Allison opens it ALLISON Don't worry, we'll have everything worked out.. somehow. PATRIOT WOMAN You know... I'm really sorry about all this.. there was just so much going on and... PANEL 88 - Pull back to reveal SWAT team members waiting on either side of the door, ready to pounce. PATRIOT WOMAN Maybe I just needed someone who could listen ...someone to understand. PANEL 89 - A SWAT member pounces on the Patriot Woman as Allison screams ALLISON (screaming) NO! PANEL 90 - The Swat member drags the Patriot Woman off to an awaiting SWAT Van. Sh'es kicking and screaming the whole way through. PATRIOT WOMAN (screaming) YOU BITCH! I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST YOU! I'LL SEND YOU AND ALL YOUR COMMIE FRIENDS TO HELL BEFORE MY LIFE IS DONE! PANEL 91 - A SWAT seargant walks up to a teary Allison, who is shocked that the woman was taken away. ALLISON Why? SWAT SEARGANT Music Police, ma'am...we had a report that music was being played too loudly in this house. PANEL 93 - Allison watches as the Patriot Woman screams bloody murder from the SWAT van. SWAT SEARGANT Once we saw the explosions and smoke, we realized we had something bigger on our hands.... PANEL 92 - Allison takes a slip of paper the SWAT Seargant gives her without flinching, she's still got a vacant shocked look on her face. SWAT SEARGANT Luckily, the Music Police is equipped to handle these kind of situations. (beat) If you could sign this noise pollution ticket, ma'am. PANEL 93 - Allison absentmindedly hands the paper back to the SWAT seargant, still in shock. ALLISON her... PANEL 94 - Allison, all alone in the garden as the SWAT Seargant walks away. ALLISON (to herself) She..needed..a friend... PANEL 95 - Carrie surveys the damage to her room and the huge hole in her back wall. PANEL 96 - Becky joins her. BECKY You know, you couldn't have picked a better roommate. Maybe next time you'll get one that can make friends with Adolf Hitler. PANEL 97 - Facade of Allison's house at night CARRIE So why the sudden compassion for the nutcase? PANEL 98 - Allison and Carrie are sitting down at the dinner table with the best hamburgers this side of the Mississippi. ALLISON She was no nutcase...she needed a friend, that's all. PANEL 99 - Allison looks down at her food. ALLISON And it's hard to lost a loved one like that. For me, it wasn't nearly as violent...but I lost my brother just the same. PANEL 100 - Carrie looks at Allison, worried about her friend. CARRIE How? ALLISON I needed to move on with my a direction no one agreed with. I lost my entire family that day. PANEL 101 - Carrie and Allison sit alone in their respective places at the table. END
Early Comic Drafts
Roommate Wanted May 1996June 1996June 1997
Rocket's Red FlareMay 1996June 1996
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