FADE IN:
EXT. THE USS CERRITOS IN ORBIT AROUND TAURUS II
We fade into an establishing shot of the USS Cerritos
orbiting Taurus II (cf. TAS "The Lorelei Signal"). Over
this, Captain Freeman gives a Captain's Log.
FREEMAN
(v.o.)
Captain's Log, Stardate nnnnn.nn.
The Cerritos is currently in orbit
around planet Taurus Two preparing
to escort the Head Female of the
Taurusn Remnant, Thelara, to
Eminiar Seven to assist in a new
treaty with Vendikar, Eminar's
former enemy in a virtual war
(beat)
On the way, we'll be picking up the
Head Female of New Taurus, the
colony world most of the population
evacuated to over one hundred years
ago.
CUT TO:
INT. LOWER DECKS BARRACKS
MARINER is lying back in her bunk, taking five between
duties. BOIMLER is doing the same, perusing a PADD for his
duty schedule.
FREEMAN
(v.o.)
We're taking volunteers for a
landing party because... well...
let's just say this planet could do
a number on some of our crew.
Freeman hears Boimler's PADD BEEPING, and rolls her eyes.
MARINER
Uhg, You're supposed to be taking
some time off. Looking for work on
time off IS work, Boimler!
BOIMLER
Idle hands, Mariner. Idle hands.
MARINER
You know what? I hear what you do
with your idle hands so you just go
ahead and find something to do
after all.
CLOSE ON BOIMLER as he's scrolling through the PADD.
BOIMLER
Lacy's called in sick for waste
extraction. Never done waste
extraction.
MARINER
(o.s.)
Don't, just don't. Trust me, it's
even less glamorous than it sounds.
(beat)
I'll bet he's faking it.
BOIMLER
Lieutenant Eckert is asking for
three more people in Astrometrics
to help collate the data from the
Class 2 Probe we retrieved a few
days ago.
MARINER
(o.s.)
Sounds like fun...
(beat)
...if you LIKE looking at a
red-dwarf from a hundred and
seventy five different angles
looking for that one beauty shot.
(beat)
Still, beats waste extraction.
Boimler's eyes widen as he finds something to do.
BOIMLER
Oh, hey, Away Team asking for
volunteers. That doesn't happen
often.
MARINER
Volunteers? That's kinda wierd.
BACK TO: Shot of Boimler and Mariner in their bunks as
Boimler sits up.
BOIMLER
Wanna come?
MARINER
If they're asking for volunteers
usually they mean decoys, so, I'm
good.
BOIMLER
It's a DIPLOMATIC Away Mission!
MARINER
Still nah.
BACK TO: original shot of both Mariner and Boimler in their
bunks. Boimler shoots up.
BOIMLER
And it's leaving in a few minutes!
I gotta run!
Boimler heads out of the barracks. WE HOLD a few seconds so
we realize Mariner has stopped paying attention. She
eventually handwaves without looking up....
MARINER
(absentmindedly)
Have fun....
CUT TO:
INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE TRANSPORTER BAY
RANSOM is waiting outside the transporter bay, looking kind
of antsy. Boimler rounds the corner catching Ransom's eye.
He's relieved to see ANYONE coming around that corner.
BOIMLER
(flagging him down)
Commander! I'm not too late am I?
Boimler enters into a TWO SHOT with Ransom.
RANSOM
(expectant)
For the away mission, Ensign?
BOIMLER
Yes, sir. I was worried I was
going to be late when--
Ransom pats Boimler on the back.
RANSOM
Congratulations! You're in, and I
am SO out.
BACK TO: original corridor shot. Ransom begins to walk
away, stops for a second, then turns back, shaking Boimler's
hand.
RANSOM
And good luck, Ensign.
As Boimler looks on Ransom walks, then trots, then runs out
of shot leaving Boimler looking down the corridor where he's
disapeared. He looks at the door, looks down the corridor,
and then looks at the door again. He enters.
INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM
The transporter room is staffed with CAPTAIN FREEMAN, TENDI
and another female security guard. Behind the transporter
console is RUTHERFORD and another female transporter tech,
DENISE, working on an open panel on the console. (Denise
should absolutely be someone we've seen as either a
background character, or even better a character that has
had a few lines in the series). The others look on in
surprise, particularly Denise and Tendi.
BOIMLER
Ensign Boimler, reporting for away
team duty.
Freeman puts her hand to her face in obvious disgust.
TENDI
Oh... oh, no.... Did Ransom rope
you into this?!
BOIMLER
(trying to be official)
I ah... I volunteered.
FREEMAN
(somewhat concerned)
You...volunteered.
(beat)
Alright, you're in the party. We
don't have a lot of time, and the
Head Female doesn't like to be left
waiting.
ANGLE CHANGE so we see Denise and the Transporter pad. The
group gets on with Boimler noticably lagging behind so that
Denise and Tendi can look at Boimler with a touch of
concern.
CLOSE ON Denise, with a "well, okay" look on her face, as
she closes the panel.
DENISE
The override subroutines have been
activated. We're all set.
TWO SHOT of Tendi and Boimler on the pad.
TENDI
Did you READ the mission brief?
BOIMLER
No time. I almost didn't make it
before the away team left.
RUTHERFORD
(o.s.)
Energizing
TENDI quickly looks towards Rutherford but is cut off by the
beam out.
BACK TO the transporter pad as they dematerialize. Boimlers
"shimmer" looks a little different than everyone elses....
TENDI
(fading out)
Wait! He doesn't...
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTSIDE THE GREAT HALL OF TAURUS - DAY
WIDE SHOT of the group beaming down, again, Boimler's
shimmer looks a little different. As they beam down, a
small ceremonial procession including THELARA approaches the
beam down point.
TENDI
...know.
WE GO TO A SHOT FROM BEHIND the away team as the ceremonial
procession appraoches.
THELARA
Crew of the USS Cerritos,
welcome...
CLOSE on Captain Freeman. As Freeman speaks, we pan across
the away team (Never seeing them from the upper chest down),
all of whom are focusing on Thelara. As we get to Boimler
(who now has a softer, more female looking face), we hold
for a second. He's in major shock, but trying to hold it
together.
FREEMAN
Greetings Head Female Thelara. The
crew of the Cerritos is here to
escort you to the peace negotiation
mediation on Eminiar Seven.
Back to original WIDE SHOT as Thelara gestures to the Great
Hall. Everyone but Boimler and Tendi follows Thelara.
THELARA
(o.s.)
Indeed, Captain. Please, join me
in the Great Hall. Our departure
staging area is there and our
equipment and travel needs will
arrive shortly.
BACK TO Previous close up on BOIMLER as we pull back. We
see that Boimler now has a female body (same hairstyle,
softer face).
THELARA
(o.s., fading)
Will your away team join us for
some refreshment while we wait?
Without even looking down, he pats his chest and hips,
trying to determine if what is happening is actually
happening. Tendi, noticing his discomfort approaches,
scanning him with a tricorder.
(When Boimler speaks, it's imperative that it be the Jack
Quaid voicing Boimler as usual and with no female "accent"
or delivery. A female voice for him should be achieved by
shifting his voice up to a female register - via pitch
shifting or sheer talent - to maintain that this is Boimler)
BOIMLER
I'm...I'm a girl!
TENDI
Yeah, it was all in the mission
brief. Also why Ransom was looking
for a replacement.
(beat)
Taurus II drains the life force of
males, eventually aging and killing
them. It's actually the reason
most of the planet evacuated a
hundred years ago. Some didn't
want to go, and remained here.
(beat)
In order for us to beam down, we
needed to be all female. And we
ran out of available female
officers to come on the mission.
And none of the guys wanted a few
minutes as a woman, so...
BOIMLER
Mariner wasn't doing anything!
TENDI
Yeah, no.
BOIMLER
...yeah, you're probably right.
TENDI
Well, you seem to be a perfectly
healthy female.
BOIMLER
(beat)
...but.
TWO SHOT ON Tendi and Boimler as she notices Boimler's
reaction to all this, as he himself looks down at his new
body.
TENDI
Listen, you'll be fine. Half of
both our species lives like this!
And if you aren't fine with it,
it'll all be over soon and you'll
be back to peeing standing up and
male pattern balding in no time.
Tendi rejoins the group as we stay on Boimler for a second.
Boimler reaches up and pokes his breast a few times as
we....
FADE OUT
FADE INTO:
OPENING CREDITS
CREDITS END
FADE OUT
END TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. INSIDE THE GREAT HALL - DAY
OVERHEAD VIEW of the hall (cf. The Animated Series "The
Lorelei Signal") the equipment (a few boxes) and personnel
(Seven Taurians, the four Starfleet Officers) are ready to
go. Tendi and Boimler are off to the side, close by but far
enough to whisper to each other.
CAPTION: DAY ONE
CLOSE ON Tendi and Boimler, paying attention but obviously
talking amongst themselves out of the sides of their mouths.
Boimler is starting to move anxiously: The beginnings of the
Pee Pee dance.
FREEMAN BOIMLER
(b.g.) Why did I drink so much Tranya?
Head Female, are we ready?
TENDI
THELARA Oh, yeah, that Citrus goes right
(b.g.) through you. Good though isn't
Then we are ready. Our it?
hope is the re-unification
of the Taurusn peoples will BOIMLER
provide the people of Hope we beam up soon. I don't
Eminiar and Vendikar want today to get any more
template for their own awkward than it already is.
peace.
TWO SHOT of Freeman and Thelara as Freeman taps her
combadge.
FREEMAN
Cerritos, we're ready for beam up.
CUT TO:
INT. CARGO BAY
Denise and RUTHERFORD are working on the Transporter,
Rutherford at the control panel, Denise again near an open
access hatch working on something inside.
RUTHERFORD
We're almost ready, Captain.
Because of the number of people
coming up and the extra equipment,
we'll be beaming into the Cargo
Bay.
DENISE
The cargo bay transporter doesn't
have the override programming we
need for Boimler. I'm adding that
in now.
EXT. INSIDE THE GREAT HALL - DAY
Back to the TWO SHOT of Thelara and Freeman.
DENISE
(filtered)
That should do it!
RUTHERFORD
(filtered)
We're ready, Captain.
Freeman looks at Thelara, who nods her approval.
FREEMAN
Energize.
Back to overhead shot. The crew BEAMS OUT. This time,
however, Boimler's "shimmer" is normal.
INT. CARGO BAY
WIDE SHOT. The large procession and all their cargo BEAMS
IN. Boimler is still female, but hasn't noticed. Denise
has however and suddenly gets worried. Rutherford, getting
his first look at Girl-Boimler stifles a laugh.
FREEMAN
Head Female, if you'll follow us,
I'll--
Denise interjects unexpectedly.
DENISE
(quickly)
Captain, request Ensign Boimler
remain here. There was...an issue.
Freeman turns and notices Boimler for the first time.
Boimler himself just looks around trying to figure out if
they're looking at him or someone around him. He then looks
down, sees his breasts and lets out a stifled shriek.
FREEMAN
(looking at the Head
Female worried)
If the Head Female does not object
to one of the party remaining
behind?
THELARA
Of course not.
DENISE
Keep me informed, Lieutenant
Michaelson.
THE GROUP EXITS minus Boimler. He runs to the transporter
panel, Denise working feverishly on the transporter panel.
Rutherford looks him over clinically. Amused, but
clinically.
RUTHERFORD
(snarkily)
Well, aren't you cute as a button!
Are you shorter?
VIEW FROM RUTHERFORDS'S EYEPIECE. Various electronic
measuring graphics pop up.
RUTHERFORD
You lost a whole six inches!
BOIMLER
I lost a lot more than just that.
THREE SHOT. Denise is still looking at the panel working
it.
DENISE
The cargo transporters weren't
designed for these kind of pattern
overrides. We had to plug it in
manually, and I don't think it
took.
BOIMLER
I didn't even know the transporter
could change your sex.
RUTHERFORD
Oh, yeah. It does all sorts of
things!
(reading off the top of
his head)
It can get rid of viruses, split
you into good and evil, turn you
into kids....
DENISE
Go ahead and get back on the
transporter pad. We'll beam you
back down and try again.
Boimler steps onto the Transporter pad.
DENISE
Hold on...we'll get you right back
to where you belong....
TRANSPORTER SOUND and Boimler beams away. There's a few
beats and then another TRANSPORTER SOUND and the shimmer
starts. But suddenly THE LIGHTS FLICKER and there's the
SOUND OF THE TRANSPORTER STRUGGLING
TWO SHOT of DENISE and RUTHERFORD working quickly on the
control panel to try and rescue Boimler.
DENISE
The override isn't activating!
(beat)
It's overloading the entire
transporter subsystem!
RUTHERFORD
Boost the matter gain! We need
more signal.
VARIOUS shots from around the ship and the lights flicker.
SHOT OF THE BRIDGE as the bridge crew look around wondering
what's happened. SUDDEN BLACK OUT, which stays for a second
or two, then the lights slowly, but normally come up.
RANSOM
Computer, what just happened.
COMPUTER
A fault within the transporter
subsystem. Power was rerouted in
order to materialize a pattern
stuck in the cargo bay transporter
buffer.
RANSOM
Cargo bay, damage report?
BACK TO Rutherford at the transporter panel. A very comical
small puff of smoke with ASSOCIATED SOUND EFFECT comes out
of the transporter panel. Denise has moved out of shot.
RUTHERFORD
The entire transporter subsystem is
down, no estimate on repair. It
doesn't look like any other systems
are affected.
RANSOM
(filtered)
Keep us updated.
DENISE is over at the transporter pad, where Boimler is
lying crumpled on the ground.
DENISE
Ensign, are you alright?
BOIMLER
(wearily)
Do I still have all my fingers and
toes?
Denise begins to help him up.
DENISE
We almost lost you there, but we
got all your fingers and toes.
BOIMLER
What about...you know...
DENISE
Well...not that.
(beat)
Not yet, anyways.
BOIMLER
It's a start.
They walk back to the transporter panel where Rutherford is
working the panel.
DENISE
The cargo bay transporter wasn't
built with the dimorphism overrides
built in, and since we needed you
back here as a guy, we added them
in.
RUTHERFORD
It doesn't look like they were
compatible with the bulk sized
pattern buffers. It caused the
whole subsystem to go down.
DENISE
But don't worry, get back to us in
a few hours and we'll put you back
in your proper body.
BOIMLER
(disapointed)
A few...hours?
DENISE
Yeah. I don't want you in there
any longer than you want to be.
BOIMLER
Well, I dont want to be here at
all--
(suddenly he goes
knock-kneed)
...I gotta go. Back in a bit.
Boimler rushes out the door as the two look on in surprise.
INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE TRANSPORTER BAY
Boimler finds a door and stops just before it. QUICK SHOT
of the label on the door "HEAD." Almost a TWO SHOT of
Boimler and the Door as he "considers" the door, and then
goes knock-kneed again. He goes in...
INT. LOWER DECKS BARRACKS
Mariner is getting out of her bunk getting ready for her
next duty as Boimler races in.
BOIMLER
(breathing heavily)
Mariner! I need your help!
MARINER
(giving her a quick once
over)
Oh, hey, you're a girl now!
Lookin' good!
(beat)
Just checking it out, or planning
to move in permanently? Cause I've
got some tips if you want to--
BOIMLER
Not on purpose! Transporter
accident! But listen! I need your
help!
MARINER
Oh everyone has trouble their first
time. First you put your arms
through the straps, then you kind
of bend over and let--
BOIMLER
No...not that. I...I...
(whispering)
I need you to come with me to the
bathroom.
MARINER
(rolling her eyes)
Puh-leeze. You KNOW that thing
about women going into the bathroom
in pairs is just a myth! Way to
live up to the stereotype, Boimler!
BOIMLER
(exasperated)
No! No, that's not it at all!
(Yell-whispering)
I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS. HOW DO
YOU PEE WITH THIS THING?
MARINER
I don't know. I just...go! Did
you try that?
BOIMLER
(still yell-whispering)
Yes! That didn't work!
MARINER
Are you sure you have to go?
BOIMLER
YES!
Suddenly we hear over the intercom:
INTERCOM
(filtered)
Ensign Boimler to Deck Seven.
Ensign Boimler, report to Deck
Seven for assignment update.
BOIMLER
Oh, not now...not NOW.
Boimler rushes off leaving Mariner to determine Boimler's
new problems.
MARINER
She'll figure it out.
(beat)
He'll figure it out.
(beat)
They'll figure it out.
Suddenly we hear over the intercom:
INTERCOM
(filtered)
Waste Extraction to Deck Seven.
Waste Extraction to Deck Seven.
MARINER
Huh, wonder who they got to fill in
for Lacy.
INTERCOM
Ensign Beckett to Deck 7. Ensign
Beckett to Deck 7.
MARINER
Aw, shit.
EXT. THE CERRITOS IN ORBIT OVER NEW TAURUS
CAPTION: DAY SEVEN
FREEMAN
Captain's Log, stardate nnnnn.nn.
We're in orbit around New Taurus to
retrieve New Taurus' Head of State
for the peace talks between Eminiar
Seven and Vendikar.
(beat)
However, with our transporters
down, we're having to transport
their entourage, supplies, and crew
rotations via shuttlecraft. And
that's causing some serious delays
in our timetable.
INT. SICKBAY
Boimler is sitting up on a bio-bed as T'ANA SCANS HIM WITH A
MEDICAL TRICORDER with TENDI at her side with a PADD.
T'ANA
Well, it's been a week, and it
doesn't look like you're having any
problems. No transporter
psychosis, no physical degradation.
(beat, dismissively)
You're a healthy young girl. Get
back to work.
She walks off leaving Tendi to finish up.
BOIMLER
I am not a girl.
TENDI
(calling to Dr T'ana
loudly)
That's right. She is a WOMAN.
T'ANA
(o.s.)
Still no excuse for malingering!
TENDI
(back to Boimler)
How you liking it in there?
BOIMLER
I dunno. It's wierd. People are
always looking at me. Not staring
or anything, just looking.
TENDI
You know, I thought that was just
an Orion thing. But nope, girl
thing.
(beat)
Sorry, WOMAN thing.
BOIMLER
I smell wierd.
TENDI
(cheerfully)
I think you smell nice!
BOIMLER
When I stand up, sometimes I can't
see my feet, and for some reason
that bothers me.
Tendi finishes up and begins to walk away, she rolls her
eyes sympathetically.
TENDI
We should ALL be so lucky....
Again, we leave Boimler alone, who reaches up and pokes his
boob.
INT. CARGO BAY
Denise and Rutherford are still here poring over the
transporter console, as Boimler enters.
BOIMLER
You said a few hours...it's been a
week. Any news?
RUTHERFORD
Well...we have good news and bad
news. Which do you want?
BOIMLER
Bad news.
Denise and Rutherford look at each other.
RUTHERFORD
The ship's entire transporter
system is completely down and will
need an overhaul. We can try and
fix it ourselves, but it could take
months.
(beat)
We'll need a starbase with a full
on Space Dock to get this fixed
otherwise. Starbase 37 is the
closest but still about a week out.
BOIMLER
Isn't Deep Space Nine around here
somewhere.
DENISE
Chief O'Brien is good. The best.
But even DS9 doesn't have the kind
of facilities we need.
BOIMLER
Station K7?
RUTHERFORD
Tribble outbreak. Third this year.
They're completely locked down in
quarantine.
BOIMLER
What about the good news?
DENISE
Lieutenant Eckert thinks you're
cute.
She gives a wan smile knowing the joke hasn't landed.
Boimler puts a hand to his head in a stressful gesture.
Rutherford puts a hand on his shoulder.
RUTHERFORD
Hey. We're gonna get you out of
there. I'm not gonna stop trying.
DENISE
And, you know, if you need to
talk...
Boimler begins walking out of the Cargo Bay
BOIMLER
Talk with the people who put me in
here to begin with? Maybe.
(beat)
Not now, though.
THE DOOR CLOSES BEHIND HIM as RUTHERFORD and DENISE look at
each other worryingly.
FADE OUT
END ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. THE CERRITOS IN ORBIT OVER EMINIAR 7
The Cerritos hangs over Eminiar 7 (cf. A Taste Of
Armageddon)
FREEMAN
(v.o.)
Captain's Log, Stardate nnnnn.nn.
In orbit around Eminiar 7, a planet
that formerly waged virtual war via
computers with it's neighbor
Vendikar. There had been a tenuous
peace for one hundred years.
CUT TO:
EXT. A LONE STREET ON EMINIAR 7 - NIGHT
CAPTION: DAY TWELVE
FREEMAN
(v.o.)
However, thanks to the delays due
to our transporter system being
down and having to use only
shuttlecraft, we've arrived late
for the Taureans to mediate a new
peace treaty between the two
worlds.
BOIMLER AND MARINER are running through the streets with a
team of crack Federation Marines, what looks like laser
pulses going on behind them.
FREEMAN
(v.o.)
And they've found a new way to wage
war.
BOIMLER
(shouting over the din)
Jeeze, how do you RUN with these
things?!
MARINER
(also shouting)
Didn't you listen to me about
property putting on a bra?
BOIMLER
I did! I just meant that--
BOIMLER IS HIT BY A LASER PULSE MAKING A LOUD SPLAT.
BOIMLER
The Eminar've progressed from Water
Guns to paint balls.
(beat)
I just hope they don't discover
supersoaker technology!
EMINIAR LOUDSPEAKER
(filtered)
Virtual casualty reported on alien
in Sector 412. Alien with paint
ball splatter in Sector 412: please
report to the nearest
Disintegration Station.
MARINER
We're almost at the shuttlecraft!
CUT TO:
INT. SHUTTLE CRAFT
We move to the Shuttlecraft, which has been ransacked.
Hatches open, paint ball stains all over. We go into the
shuttle craft, where Mariner and Boimler take the helm. The
Marines shuffle in.
BOIMLER
Hey, the hatch still works. Let's
hope she can still fly!
MARINER
You leave that to me.
EMINIAR LOUDSPEAKER
(filtered)
Alien with paint ball splatter in
Sector 412: please report to the
nearest Disintegration Station.
MARINER
Not today!
CUT TO:
EXT. A LONE STREET ON EMINIAR 7 - NIGHT
The ship flies off, wildly dodging more and larger paint
balls.
CUT TO:
INT. CERRITOS BRIDGE
The bridge crew listens to a report from Boimler
BOIMLER
(filtered)
The peace down is completely
broken, and get this, Captain.
They've gone from Water Guns to
Paintballs, and the Disintegration
Stations are back.
FREEMAN
It'll take days to get them to sit
down and talk again. These guys
fight at the drop of a hat.
RANSOM
Any hat! Rumor has it that's
exactly what set off this latest
round of virtual violence.
CUT TO:
INT. SHUTTLE CRAFT
SHOT FROM THE FRONT, so we can see them both with the
Marines in the back. Mariner is piloting like a madwoman.
FREEMAN
(filtered)
We're going to have to push out our
arrival at Starbase 37 a few days
while we try and get these guys to
stop fighting.
A large splat hits the side of the shuttle leaving paint
spatter on the window.
MARINER
Dammit!
BOIMLER
Days?
FREEMAN
I'm sorry, Ensign. I appreciate
your situation, but you're
currently fine. The situation on
Eminiar 7 is not. Cerritos out.
MARINER
Executing evasive maneuver Crusher
Beta!
There's a hard lurch to the left. Boimler reaches up and
pokes his boob. MARINER notices.
BOIMLER
I'm not fine. I'm not fine at all.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE CERRITOS IN ORBIT OVER EMINIAR 7
The shuttlecraft approaches the Cerritos flying like an
anime jet fighter dodging paintball missiles.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SHUTTLEBAY
Shuttles are being offloaded with supplies for the Cerritos,
and reloaded with supplies for Eminiar 7. The boxes are
specifically marked with "NOT FOR VIRTUAL, PHYSICAL, OR
LIQUID WAR." Boimler is working a computer console in the
FG, wearing a skant uniform and his hair slightly (but only
slightly) more feminine. He's trying to concentrate, but is
distracted. There are two male Starfleet personnel with
PADDs directing the loading, LOCKE and LACY.
CAPTION: DAY SIXTEEN
FREEMAN
(v.o.)
Captain's Log, Stardate nnnnn.nn.
With the Eminiar peace talks
finally under way, and the
situation mostly under control,
we're taking on supplies and
delivering promised NON-LETHAL
computer equipment for both
Vendikar and Eminiar 7.
(beat)
However, the delay in negotiations,
and the long negotiations
themselves, have continued to push
our schedule back farther than a
21st century low cost airline.
(beat)
Our scheduled docking with Starbase
37 is now at least a week out, or
eleven days later than expected.
Locke and Lacy are going through their PADDs looking at the
schedule.
LOCKE
The shuttle rotation's running
behind schedule. The captain isn't
going to like this.
Lacy points over at Shuttle number three, still stained with
paintballs and open access panels.
LACY
Any reason why Shuttle Three isn't
in the rotation? It looks pretty
bad, but it's totally space-worthy.
LOCKE
(gesturing towards
Boimler)
I'm not sure, why don't you ask her
over there.
Close on Boimler with LOCKE and Lacy in the background. He
can hear every word they're saying.
LOCKE
She's the one coordinating the
shuttlecraft.
Boimler turns to them.
BOIMLER
Sorry about that, sirs. Totally
blanked on Shuttlecraft 3. I've...
(beat)
I've had a lot on my mind.
(beat)
I'll get it on the schedule.
LACY
(waving a thanks)
Hey, don't stress it. Just get her
on the rotation and we'll do the
rest.
(to Locke, just loud
enough that Boimler can
hear)
It looks like she's had a day.
BOIMLER
(to himself)
I'm not a she.
CUT TO:
INT. CERRITOS BAR
Mariner and Tendi are at their table casually talking when
Boimler, still in skant and slightly more feminine hair,
comes up to the table, putting a shot of strong whiskey on
the table.
MARINER
Hey! You look good in the skant!
Finally giving into the dark side?
We have cookies!
BOIMLER
(not in a good place)
No. I thought if I bought into the
change, it would make things
easier. Turns out, it kinda makes
things worse.
At this point, Boimler should "Smooth out" the skant,
brushing it from the stomach to the crotch and pulling his
hand back as if he realized "something's missing."
TENDI
How sad. You really do have the
legs for it.
(beat)
Well, you do NOW.
Boimler plops down on the seat and takes a swig of the
whiskey, but takes it too quick, dropping a few drops of
whiskey on his bosom.
BOIMLER
Seriously, for the last three weeks
I just haven't been...me.
(he wipes the dribble of
whiskey off his chest)
None of this is me. I don't sound
like me, I don't feel like me...
On those last words, TWO SHOT OF Mariner and Boimler as
Boimler pokes his breast. Mariner swats his hand away.
MARINER
Stop that.
(beat)
It's not lady-like.
BOIMLER
I'm NOT a lady.
BACK TO the full table. There's an umcomfortable pause,
when Boimler notices there's someone missing at their table.
BOIMLER
Where's Rutherford? He hasn't been
by the last few days.
MARINER
He and Lieutenant Michaelson are in
Jeffries Tube Eleven Alpha.
BOIMLER
Huh. Only people who go down there
are people needing a little privacy
from the barracks...
(suggestively)
...if you know what I mean.
TENDI
(wistfully)
They'd make a cute couple.
MARINER
It's also where engineers would go
to work on broken transporter
subsystems.
ANGLE CHANGE with Tendi in the foreground as Boimler
realizes they're still trying to fix the transporters for
him.
BOIMLER
They're still working on it? But
Captain Freeman said we still had
at least a week before we got to
Starbase 37 and they were the only
ones who could fix the transporter.
TENDI
It doesn't mean they're not gonna
try to get you back earlier if they
can.
There's a pause as Boimler considers this, his face showing
relief that his friends are still trying to get him back to
his old body regardless. He stands up with new hope.
BOIMLER
You know what. I've been in here
three weeks now, and a skant and a
new hair-do haven't helped things.
I just gotta be me.
TENDI
That's right! You be who you are!
No matter who tells you you're
doing it wrong! No matter how long
they tell you! No matter how loud!
BOIMLER
I'm just gonna be the best Boimler
I can be in this body. Back into
trousers!
BACK TO the full table as Tendi stands up and cheers him on.
TENDI
(riding that wave)
You just be proud of yourself, and
you say "MOM, I'M NOT GONNA BE A
PIRATE!"
MARINER
(suddenly)
Hey, wait. Did you say three
weeks?
BOIMLER
Yeah?
MARINER
(big sisterly)
Hey, if you're still in there on
Day twenty? Come find me, we'll
need to talk.
Close up on Boimler's face as he realizes what she's talking
about. The others talking in the background fade out as we
zoom in (Hitchcock Zoom).
TENDI
Mariner....
MARINER
She's gonna have to know if she's
still in there next week!
TENDI
HE, Mariner! HE!
FADE OUT
END ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
EXT. THE CERRITOS IN SPACE
The Cerritos is flying through space at an incredible speed.
TINY PIECES FLY OFF THE HULL AS KLAXONS BLARE
Caption: DAY TWENTY ONE
CUT TO:
INT. BRIDGE - LEFT TURBOLIFT ALCOVE.
Shaxs, Rutherford and Freeman are standing on the roof of a
turbolift with the bridge turbolift doors open. Rutherford
and Shaxs are working on a panel furiously.
SHAXS
We can't break her encyrption
codes!
RUTHERFORD
(quietly)
His.
FREEMAN
Computer, command override, shut
down all forcefields on the command
deck! Authorization four seven two
alpha tango three!
COMPUTER
Access denied.
SHAXS
She's got us locked out of the
command pathways!
RUTHERFORD
(quietly)
He's.
We slowly pan during the next exchange to find Boimler
sitting at the Captain's Chair.
COMPUTER
Damage to the engineering pod.
RUTHERFORD
Oh, that's not good.
COMPUTER
(warning beep)
Structural integrity down to 99
percent.
RUTHERFORD
Oh, that's not bad.
SHAXS
She's got us at Warp 9.97! We're
going to lose Engineering if we
keep this up for...
(beat, thinking)
...another couple of days.
We stay on Boimler. Intense. Concentrating. Driven.
BOIMLER
(intense)
I. AM. NOT. A. SHE.
(beat)
Computer, time to Star Base 37.
COMPUTER
Three days, seven hours.
BOIMLER
Great. Just gotta not sleep and
fend off the crew for three days
and everything will be okay.
WE SEE the RIGHT TURBO LIFT ALCOVE OPEN, with Tendi, who has
a medical tricorder scanning. She tries to enter the bridge
but HITS THE FORCEFIELD.
TENDI
(shouting across the
turbolifts)
There doesn't seem to be any
degradation to her synapses. This
isn't a transporter psychosis
issue, this is all her.
(to Boimler)
You're putting us all in danger,
just to fix things a few days
earlier!
(beat)
At a safe cruising speed, we're
only seven days out of Starbase 37!
FREEMAN
TEN DAYS! We're TEN days out of
Starbase 37 now!
(looking at Shaxs)
...you just had to spend a few days
on the Vendikar Riviera.
SHAXS
Kind of busy trying to get into the
Bridge right now.
TENDI
With all due respect, YOU'RE NOT
HELPING!
(beat)
Boimler...talk to me....
BOIMLER
Three is still a smaller number
than than ten!
TENDI
You're about to destroy the ship
and its crew, just to get back
where you belong.
(beat)
A place you're going to get to
safely anyways if you just give us
a few more days.
(beat, pleading)
Boimler... It's. Not. So. Bad.
The forcefield from the right turbolift goes down. Tendi
comes out and down to the Command Chair.
CLOSE on the two as they talk. IN THE BG the command staff
are still trying to get in. OCCASIONAL RUMBLES OF THE SHIP
LOSIN SMALL HULL PIECES CONTINUE.
BOIMLER
Once we get to Starbase 37,
everything'll be okay.
TENDI
Lieutenant Billups is trying to
eject the warp core. We're losing
pieces of the hull to the speed.
All for something you're already
going to get. All for something
you can get help with until then.
BOIMLER
I just don't want to make things
wierder. Not just for me.
TENDI
We're Starfleet. Wierd is part of
the job. Says so right on the
academy application.
(Beat)
Boimler. Seriously. Mariner and I
have lived our whole lives this
way. There's nothing you can't
talk about with us until then. The
good, the bad.
BOIMLER
The ugly.
TENDI
That, too.
(beat)
We can help you get through these
last few days.
COMPUTER
(warning beep)
WARNING. Structural Integrity down
to 98.75 percent.
TENDI
So, you gonna drop the forcefields?
Cause at this rate, we're going to
lose structural integrity in, say,
two days....
There is a long pause.
BOIMLER
Computer, release command codes.
Authorization Boimler Fifteen
Ninety Thirty Sixty.
COMPUTER
(acceptance beeps)
Command codes release.
TENDI
Fifteen Ninety Thirty Sixty?
BOIMLER
It had a nice ring to it.
TENDI
(calling out to the
people in the lift.)
Boimler...HE...is dropping the
forcefields.
WE HEAR THE FORCEFIELD DROP. Boimler stands up and faces
the turbolift as Freeman, shaxs and Rutherford walk onto the
bridge. We hear the Right Turbolift doors open O.S.
CLOSE ON BOIMLER AS:
BOIMLER
(apologetically)
I'm sorry everyone. I just kinda
went a bit off the deep end there--
He's immediately piled on by security, which have come
through the right turbolift. One of the security guards
walks up smugly.
SECURITY GUARD
Must be that time of the mon--
TENDI grabs the security guards lips in a lightning move,
holding them shut.
TENDI
(intensely)
Not one word. Not one more word.
FADE OUT
END ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM
CAPTION: Day 30
Boimler, Tendi and Denise are huddled around the Transporter
Console. Denise is working the panel while Tendi is
scanning Boimler for a base-line.
BOIMLER
(coming in mid-sentence)
...yeah it's inconvenient as hell,
but it wasn't all THAT bad.
TENDI
We have a baseline reading. With
this and your previous physical, we
should be able to make sure
everything is good when you make it
back up.
DENISE
You all set to go back?
BOIMLER
Absolutely.
TENDI
Denise...I didn't know you could
change your sex with the
transporter.
BOIMLER
(repeating Rutherford's
spiel from earlier)
Oh, yeah. It does all sorts of
things! It can get rid of viruses,
split you into good and evil, turn
you into kids....
DENISE
In fact, the transporter is
actually how I got my transition!
There's a button for it and
everything.
CLOSE ON THE COMPUTER PANEL where we see a control marked
"DIMORPHIC OVERRIDE" with [M]<---->[F][X][Alien Symbol][Q]
as buttons you can press.
CLOSE ON the three at the console.
TENDI
Oh, I should give this a try
sometime!
BOIMLER
You're trans?
DENISE
Yeah. Not that it matters in this
day and age.
(beat)
It's why Rutherford and I kept
working on the transporters even
when we knew it was a lost cause.
(beat)
I didn't want you in there any
longer than necessary, and if there
was any way to fix this before we
got to Starbase 37, we we're gonna
try.
BOIMLER
What's the alien button do?
DENISE
Want to give it a try?
BOIMLER
No, I'm good. I'm ready to go back
to the old me, thanks.
He heads up to the transporter.
TENDI
I wanna try the alien button, too!
DENISE
Let's fix up Boimler first, and
then we'll set up an appointment
for you.
We see Denise working on the panel for a bit, then she looks
up.
DENISE
Energizing.
THE TRANSPORTER PAD as we see the "different" shimmer of the
first act BEAMING BOIMLER off the transporter pad.
FLASH CUT to the computer panel where we see Denise's finger
press the alien button.
CUT TO:
INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM (STARBASE 37)
In Starbase 37s transporter room (if necessary, have it
marked as Starbase 37 somewhere), we hear the transporter
spin up and the shimmer of a transporter. Except instead of
Boimler, we see a Horta materialize. It rustles a little
MAKES A BURBLING NOISE, then dematerializes off the pad
leaving behind an etching on the transporter pad
CLOSE on the etching: NO HORTA I
CUT TO:
INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM
The shimmer returns and Boimler's back to his old self. He
does a quick chest check, and maybe and just off-screen ball
check. Tendi comes up to him and does a quick check of his
vitals.
BOIMLER
I'm me again!
(then suddenly concerned)
Was I a Horta there for second?
DENISE
Of course not! Why would I do
something like that to you?
(beat, changing the
subject)
Welcome back, MISTER Boimler.
Boimler comes off the pad and begins to head out with Tendi.
He stops just before leaving and returns to Denise, hugging
her.
BOIMLER
Thanks.
He leaves the transporter, leaving Denise to smile to
herself.
CUT TO:
INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE TRANSPORTER BAY
Tendi and Boimler begin to walk off when a large hand
forcefully grabs Boimler's arm.
SHAXS
Not so fast, Ensign. You have two
more days in the brig.
We watch all three walk down the corridor to the brig as the
episode ends.
TENDI
So, I gotta ask. As a medical
professional. Did you... uh... try
it out?
BOIMLER
Try it?
TENDI
You know!
BOIMLER
Oh... yeah, I did.
TENDI
So... also as a medical
professional... Whose are better?
BOIMLER
Well... There are a few things I'm
gonna miss....
FADE OUT
THE END